Just get me to the church on time.

Or in my case, chapel.

The irony was not lost on me that suddenly playing on the cable music station I heard the less than melodic tones of Stanley Holloway singing the "I'm getting married in the morning . . . just get me to the church on time" from Lerner and Lowe's "My Fair Lady."

Of course. I was sitting here with two dear friends and we were planning my bridal shower. BRIDAL SHOWER?!!!! The shower in my bathroom or the shower outside my window this morning, are the only ones to which I can relate. The archaic concept of a bunch of women getting together to play party games, swap recipes or perhaps watch a deshabille man (no matter how buff) strip down to his best wishes just does not do it for me.

Fortunately, for me, my friends understand that I might not be a typical bride (in more ways than this) and are open to creating a different type of party. A spiritual rite of passage if you will. Whew.

"Are you sure you don't want a handsome man taking off his clothes gyrating to music or something?" No. Thank you, I am grateful to already have a handsome man who, at some point in the day, does take off his clothes albeit without music. Call me strange (and it won't be the first time) but I get turned on intellectually and creatively then physically My idea of a turn-on is where over a candlelight dinner and a good glass of wine, the man recites a piece of Shakespeare or poetry to me. Of course, Gene Kelly was the sole exception to this rule. Now, if my friends could get Ken Griffey, Jr. to show up at my bridal shower IN his baseball uniform, well, enough said.

So I say yes to this shower idea. Since I made a pact with myself after my mother died, that I was going to buff up my receiving muscle to have it match my strength for giving, this shower and wedding was a very good place to start. I really do want all the magical trappings of getting married. With only 62 days to go till the wedding, I have my 'work' cut out for me.

Which brings me to the topic of my wedding gown. If you're a regular reader, you may recall the story of how my aunt bought a wedding dress for me from a thrift store in L.A. and carried it home on the bus. A beautiful dress that I had seen at the very same store the day before. You might also recall that I mentioned it did not fit correctly but we thought we could have it altered. It turns out that the way the dress was made or altered for the previous bride, has made it almost impossible to correct without starting from scratch and perhaps doing injustice to the dress. It did not make sense to me to have someone re-build the gown so I began the process of dress shopping.

My search began on e-Bay. Hundreds of dresses for sale in various sizes, shapes, colors and prices. It was a good starting point. To be fair, I returned to David's Bridal a second time to see if my first experience there was an anomaly of poor customer service--it was not. Again, I walked through the entire store twice and no one said hello or offered me assistance. My guess is that because I am not a young, first-time bride, they don't have to gush all over me. I might just be the Mother of the Bride doing some advance reconnaisance. To me, it shouldn't matter who walks in the store. A bridal store should be magical in some way and this store needs an uplift.

Jo and I drove all the way out to Vista to a consignment store that specializes in wedding clothes. The saleslady, Marcia was very helpful and patient. Two very important qualities for trying on wedding gowns. Among Jo's amazing artistic and creative gifts, she adds sewing as well, so she has a good sense of what could be done with each garment. Gowns are heavy and not easy to get in and out of particularly in small dressing rooms. And although this store did not have the fancy lighting, the tri-mirrors and platform that David's Bridal provides for trying on the gown in the best possible manner, this store did have the little step and the mirror for better viewing.

In a relatively short time, Marcia taught us about sizes and styles and what would look right on my body and what might not. That translated into some of the dresses I was drawn to looked awful on me and other ones surprised me. It took us five gowns before I put one on that made all three of us say "Ohhhhh..." it a sweet fairy-tale tone. That's what I was waiting for--that magical moment when I looked in the mirror and I didn't see a frump in white staring back at me. I began to see what is possible and that yes, I could look like a bride after all not just someone wearing a bridal dress.

This dress, too needed alterations to make it a perfect fit. Marcia has a seamstress in Carlsbad that she says does wonderful work especially with gowns. Even with a discount, the dress was over my budget and that was not even accounting for alteration costs. Here's where the monkey-mind chatter kicked in. Here's a sample:

"Oh, it's too expensive. Yes, but this is for your wedding. It's a special day. But you're not working right now. Yes, but God is my Source. It's a really good deal and it's a dress that's never been worn and she gave you a discount. Yes, and then what do I do with it after the wedding? I already have two dresses I need to find new homes and I am not going to have a daughter to save this for. You don't have to buy it today, you can come back. All the way to Vista? And then the seamstress is in Carlsbad."

Need a nap now? I do. Jo and I decided to get away from the store, grab a bite of lunch and let Spirit show us what to do. We had Pro and Conned our way to no brain function. I felt elegant and royal in the dress and yet, it also felt like it was wasn't a match. In my heart, I felt that buying my wedding dress would be effortless. I would find a dress, try it on and that would be it. No seesaw questions or emotions. Sure, it might still need to be shortened or altered as most dresses are made for taller women. The idea of returning to Vista or going out to Carlsbad for fittings felt cumbersome. I wanted ease, effortlessness, and financial integrity while still knowing God is my source; and my wedding gown is perfect.

Armed with my newly acquired understanding of sizes and styles for gowns, I went back online. First, I perused local listings on craigslist. Then I returned to e-Bay to scour through the hundreds of listings. I did a refined search and came across a beautiful gown that met my criterion. I read to see when the auction ended and was startled to see it said " 3 minutes and 53 seconds." Oh my. I liked the dress, it was a good price... there was already one other bidder...'they' will probably outbid me anyway....and yet, I was impelled to place my bid. Gulp. There was one minute left and I was the high bidder. I frankly didn't know if in that split second I wanted to be the winner or be outbid. What I did know is that it was now out of my control and I had to trust the process.

Hmmmmmm, do I smell a cliffhanger?