May I have seconds, please?

As you know, this year, my birthday was not quite up to Leonine par. I was glad to be able to extend some of the festivities into today.

My friend, John took me to see "Hairspray" this morning. This was my second viewing; his, seventh. I made sure we got in early enough to sit in the back row under the projectionist so that any spontaneous musical outbursts on my part would not be disruptive to the other audience members. After the film started, two young women and their children traipsed up to the back row and sat next to me. I was concerned that they might be off-put by my interactive viewing; or I might censor myself, but instead, I justified in my head that since I was here first, I could be free to be expressive.

It has been a long while since a film came out that I wanted to see again right after seeing it for the first time. I am soooo charmed by this adorable film. It brings me such simple joy- with such positive messages and delightful music. It was a re-thrill to see my friend, David Gropman's name on the credits. I can't wait till I can connect with him and let him know how he has added to my joy factor.

At the end of the movie, the lady leaned in to me and put her hand on my arm and said that she enjoyed how I enjoyed the movie. Bonus.

After the film, we walked around Fashion Valley. I had forgotten it was a Saturday at the mall. I had to remind myself that I usually avoid malls because I so dislike the crowds; and because Saturday crowds always seem, to me, to be more unconscious than usual. So, I shifted my judge-o-meter to look for and find joy spots wherever I could. Visiting Aveda, I turned in my Birthday postcard in exchange for a free vial of a new fragrance. That was fun. Smelling essential oils to see which one resonated to my senses. And in between each bottle of oil I got to sniff coffee beans to help clarify the nose palate. I picked a different scent than I would normally because this is a different new year. The very nice saleslady did not try to sell me anything else and wished me a Happy Birthday. Yes, thank you.

John took off for the rest of his plans and I continued 'shopping'. Something happens when one is at the mall--even when one doesn't want to be at a mall-- one starts to browse, peruse, and yes, even shop. And for me, having a coupon in my hot little hands becomes an odd, seductive force. I had to shake myself aware that just because Borders sent me a 20% coupon, I didn't have to use it. There is no need to buy something just because it is there or because it might cost less if I use this coupon before midnight tonight. Even a book.

Since Mom's illness and passing, I have had an interesting experience with time. I have been disoriented on day, date and time. One minute, it feels like everything is slowed down and lazy; and then I will have spurts of anxiety about how late it is and oh my goodness, it's less than 100 days till my wedding. Everyday chores and tasks seem a bit painstaking. Hmmm, pain staking or is it, pains taking? Maybe a little of both. Sometimes it feels like the pain that has been staked by circumstance; and other times, the diligence and attention makes it feel as if the pains are being taken (away). I'll choose the latter.

The other day, I was sort of cooking a something and I set one of those little kitchen timers. I realized I didn't need it set for as long as I had set it but could not figure out how to un-set it. So, I stood there and watched as the seconds ticked away. I watched time "run out". It gave me an odd perspective as I thought about how those 10-15 seconds I was anxiously waiting to elapse, had a whole different meaning when I thought about what it must mean to have the least 15 seconds of life elapse. I am not trying to be macabre or morose here--just contemplative of the bigger picture. I don't want to 'waste' any more seconds; I may need or want them at the tail end of things.

What are you going do with your seconds?