Feb. 2008 Musings

For those of you who don't read my regular column, Musings that is published in the Adams Avenue Herald, here is this month's issue (in honor of Valentine's Day):


MUSINGS—Adams Avenue Herald
Feb. 2008

“All you need is L O V E …”

“Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.”
Robert Frost


Most of the focus for the month of February falls upon St. Valentine’s holiday and how much the commercial market can influence our experience. I recall the first week after Christmas; the stores were already loading up on the Valentine’s candies and cards and stuffed what-nots to get a jump on the early consumer.

Perhaps you would like to join me in taking a fresh view on this holiday and find a new way to experience the Day of Love.

Most of the time, I would welcome the chance to celebrate an officially sanctioned day recognizing the omnipotent elixir of the Gods, Love. Yet, this holiday, all the way back to my childhood, has been fraught with hidden agendas.

I recall Charlie Brown cartoons that spoke to those of us who were riddled with anxiety that we would not be the recipients of sufficient valentine cards to confirm our popularity and appease our ego. Charlie Brown wanted the little redheaded girl to notice him. I was the little redheaded girl who longed for a Charlie Brown to call my own. And I was happy to take cards from other girls and teachers, too.

Naturally, Mom always came through with something special but that almost didn’t count. It felt to me as if we kids wanted the valentine’s to come from secret admirers who saw us for who were truly were (are). And as I got older, although I no longer required that my admirer be secret, I still wanted to know that I was …that special someone.

Fast forward to being a grown woman and having a whole new perspective of this holiday.

I certainly don’t need nor want boxes of chocolates (unless its dark chocolate and preferably, organic); flowers are always nice-especially the beautiful fresh ones at Kensington Floral on Adams; and beautiful hand-crafted cards from Ladybug that bring a smile. What I look for now in my Valentine’s is something a bit more pure of heart. I want the intention behind the trappings. In fact, I almost shun any particular gimmick towards Valentine’s Day altogether.

What I have learned is that I want to know authentic caring, true love, if you will. And I don’t just mean having Mr. or Ms. Right serenade me with Shakespearean sonnets while tossing rose petals at my feet. What I have gleaned over the years is that what I was craving in my childhood is the same thing I seek now, I want to feel someone’s appreciation and caring in an authentic manner—which may or may not include something they purchased with me in mind. And that real sense of love, well, hackneyed as it is folks, actually has to come from within. It’s all about self-love that then out pictures itself in the kindness and thoughtfulness of others around me.

“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.”
Helen Keller


Now as Valentine’s Day approaches, I ask myself how can I best show love and caring to myself? Where can I give myself the gift of quiet time to read or write or do something that tickles my fancy? What would bring me joy? That is my Valentine’s to me. I no longer wait for anyone else to fill that need for me; and amazingly, love shows up for me in the guise of cards, e-mails or in the soft embrace of my husband (this is my newlywed Valentine’s, so I am already pretty mushy) before we fall asleep.

By having a new approach to Valentine’s in February, chances are you will be feeling fit as a fiddle and ready for spring in a whole new way. February might take on a new meaning to you—perhaps a revised appreciation of President’s Day instead. Give pause to the emancipation and freedom we have thanks to these to humble gentlemen. Try sending someone you love a shiny new penny or a dollar bill with a pithy quote to commemorate how Lincoln or Washington has impacted our daily lives.

If the physician claims to “heal thyself” then I opt for the healing of “love thyself’ and the bliss will follow.

"Don't forget to love yourself".
Soren Kierkegaard