You asked for it!

When I was a kid there was a game show on television called, "You Asked For It." I don't even recall what the gimmick was. I just know that right now, I am moving through the sludge, the hell-fire and the journey of my asking for it.
It.
Not the e-Bay It. The It to which I am referring is the process of clearing out and returning to the I Am that I Am which I somehow obfuscated along the way.

In this month's Science of Mind Magazine celebrating the 80th year of publication, the daily guides are written by the founder Dr. Ernest Holmes. There was one simple affirmation on the top of Sunday, October 14th that caught me by surprise:
"The Universal Mind can think of me only as I think of myself." By all accounts as a practicing Religious Scientist, I know and teach that Infinite Mind out pictures and manifests my thoughts. Standard textbook stuff.

And ya know what? This one affirmation caught me off-guard because I realized that somewhere in my belief system (which is up for renewal this year) I held a tiny little idea that God/Infinite Mind/The-Bigger-Than-Me-Presence held a higher thought of myself than I did. In fact, I counted on it. As with many people, I have been known to have varying levels of self-esteem throughout my life. Yet, I secretly counted on the fact that even if I was having a bad hair day or if I was reallllly down on myself, the bottom line was that God, et al, thought I was the bee's knees all the time, no matter what.
No wonder Christians like the song, "Jesus loves me, this I know." There is a comfort in that unconditional statement.

The healing and revealing cycle I have been in this year has really been amazing. Powerful, painful and perfect. Especially now with mom's passing and my preparing for my wedding. I asked to be healed of any of the erroneous beliefs that were contrary to the song of my soul. I asked to find and to give forgiveness where I felt there was injustice or injury. I asked to be the most beautiful bride ever, shining with an inner glow of purity and unconditional love. What was I thinking?

This week alone, I have had a few really tough issues come up for me to witness and handle. This has not been fun or easy to uncover some of the old patterns that used to run my life. It's a shame that Religious Science doesn't offer some version of exorcism to have it be done with once and for all. I can say I am proud of how I am moving through this swamp by walking my talk. And I am so grateful how my beloved has been so patient and understanding about my process. I have surely tested his mettle. If ever a groom were to have cold feet, Don would have just cause. Even Belle has had to lend a paw to keep me grounded.

Even though I 'asked for it', I also asked for spiritual guidance, wisdom, grace, compassion, and my own spiritual tools to allow me to do this deep work. It makes me smile in witness to the irony that all our lives we ask and plan and work to live the life of our dreams; and then, when we actually begin to see It and achieve It, all hell breaks loose. That's okay, I am up to the challenge; AND I am willing and ready to finally live the life of my dreams.

"Please, sir, I want some more."