A new book...

Today, is the first day of the rest of my life.
(Who created that phrase?) This is not just a new chapter--it feels like a new book.

The quiet shift took place yesterday after conducting my mother's memorial service when I realized I was no longer anybody's kid anymore. I guess that means I'm a grown up; a real-life, card carrying adult.
Sweeeeeeet.

And now what?
I can no longer say, "What do I wanna do when I grow up?"; now, I have to do it...whatever it is.

Although, I was not really keen on the speedy exit path Mom took (I had kinda counted on sharing wedding stories and photos with her)I am very grateful that I now have My Season of autumn (insert Vivaldi here) approaching to assist with my healing. The cooler breeze that woke me this morning; the smell of new notebooks from school; the return of pumpkin spice lattes at Starbucks....ah, life is good--all the time.

I snuck in that last phrase in honor of our visit yesterday to the Agape International Spiritual Center. Don and I stayed with Rev. Nancy Zala on Saturday night and on Sunday we went to the third service at Agape. Given the challenges of late and the fact that I was about to facilitate my own mother's memorial in the afternoon, going to church to hear my minister, seemed a wise choice. And their Town Crier during announcements commented that the Agape catch phrase, "Life is good ---all the time!" was almost a secret handshake way when in public venues of recognizing another Agape like-minded soul.

Agape was huge when I left years ago. And now with the celebrity status that Dr. Michael Beckwith enjoys as a result of "The Secret" and his appearances on Oprah, the place is packed. I am not really comfortable in crown energy anyway but it was good to be there. Waiting in line to get in for seats, Rev. Michael happened to walk by on his way to do a live mini-interview for the press. He saw Rev. Nancy and I and was surprised and genuinely happy to see two of his absent "homeboy" girls. The service was a knock-out on many levels. We were fortunate in that there was a christening that took place before the sermon. For me, it was particularly moving because it was welcoming a young baby girl and Rev. Michael's words about mothers and daughters felt very poignant and timely.

Nikki Harris was the soloist for the day and I say move over Anita Baker--Nikki brought down the house. She was even more awesome and powerful than usual. I could see how it inspired and moved Rev. Michael even more and took him to a deeper place for what he taught. It was an extremely validating sermon for me. His theme this month was about being "Creatively Maladjusted" and he reminded me and gave me renewed permission to be the dysfit/mysfit that I am.

Service at Agape ran very long and we were late in arriving to North Hollywood to set up for mom's service. Even on a Sunday afternoon, the 405 was bumper to bumper and people were already there when we arrived. I quickly set up the 'altar' with photos and memorabilia of mom. I greeted the guests and handed the audio pieces to Keven. It was a blessing that Keven Kadel, R.Sc.P. was running the A-V for me. I know him and trust him so much both in his technical skills and consciousness. Rev. Marc Laponce was hosting the church for me, and Rev. Bonnie Rose came down from Ventura to support me. Carol Winicur, R.Sc.P. (one of my original practitioner cubs) came to be of support in addition to having an added task of importance. Carol graciously was the person who retrieved my mother's cremains for me. It was like old-home week being there with my NoHo buds and colleagues.

Oh and speaking of Mom's cremains... I knew I had to find a suitable container for her ashes. I did not want a sedate or ornate urn; and I am still not sure how much if any of her ashes I will keep. But for the sake of the service, I wanted something special. In my ruminations on what to get and where, I thought that if it came down to it, I could put the ashes in one of the very nice, Starbucks glass coffee cannisters I have at home. After all, it was green and mom loved her coffee, too. On Saturday, I went out to get the car washed and something impelled me to stop at the thrift store to give a looksee. There wasn't anything that looked respectable and/or secure for the planned contents. I saw a lovely white jar with pretty painted flowers on it and thought it was nice and picked it up. It had one of those lids with the rubber seals on it that helped to make it secure. I thought it would be a fine vessel for Mom as it represented her love of flowers and it looked so happy. I turned it over and lo and behold it read, "Starbucks 2004 - Dishwasher and microwave safe." It was a coffee jar! Perfect on so many levels.

Some of the tenants from Mom's apartment building were there but mostly the people who attended came to support me and I know that would have pleased my mother most of all. Her "butterfly", my Don, was my strong and loving Lochinvar always at my side. My "surrogate mother" Jane was there. She has known me since I was 13 and really filled in a lot of maternal gaps that Mom couldn't or didn't; and Jane was the one who sent me down a metaphysical journey that surely contributed to the path I am on now. Jane did know my mother but was actually closer to my aunt Pat who introduced us. My wasband David was there and he brought the DVD of the slide show he put together using the new iLife software. It was such a creative and touching tribute and I will figure out how to post it to Dixie's virtual memorial website.

I felt so loved and supported and blessed--even by people who were unable to be in attendance--thank you (and you know who you are!).

Rev. Nancy took us to dinner and I took us to Starbucks before we headed home. We got back to San Diego near midnight and Belle was so happy to have us home. Today, I am allowing myself to be as exhausted as I feel. I have had two naps already! Don and I are going to just be sloths for a day and return to normal programming tomorrow.

Normal?????