The Ides of May

Is there such a thing?
Here we are at the half-way point of the month.

I was supposed to be in Taos, New Mexico this week. An expected emergency trip back to L.A. for my mother changed that.

Beginning with a 7:30 a.m phone call on Sunday with information about my mother's health, that sent me into immediate prayer. I knew that I needed to go up there and my beloved agreed to drive us when he returned from church. It was a long trip because (pun intended) everyone and their mother was on the freeway.

When I arrived at the nursing home, I found Mom's bed stripped and empty. A very brief wash of fear and I quickly pulled myself together because I knew it was not as drmatic as it seemed. At the nurse's station they told me that Mom was sent to the ER at the hospital. Funny that news like that was suddenly welcomed.

Knowing how these things work, I knew that we had time to get our bearings and visit my aunt. I teach that people need to engage in self-care particularly in times of duress. We had not eaten lunch, so having dinner seemed a wise plan. Then we drove over to the ER. Although Mom had been there for hours, I was not allowed to see her right away. I asked Don to wait till I could be sure Mom was presentable and comfortable seeing him at this time. Forty minutes later, I got to see my mom. There are many things about the medical community that frustrate me.

Her illness or current state is not significant to share for this story, so I am skipping details. I was relieved that she was able to recognize me and knew I was there, but little else. Unfortunately, she was not allowed to have food or water and that was hard on her. I got a nurse to get her a warm blanket because she was so cold. (Another one of those frustrating parts--I know the ER is busy, but things like a blanket for a frail, elderly patient seems pretty basic). I could tell she needed to talk even if it wasn't very lucid. Finally, I just told her that it was fine if she wanted to keep talking but I was going to pray. Soon after I began to pray,she grew quiet so I opened my eyes and saw that she had closed her eyes and was resting. Her countenance was so peaceful, I stretched out the prayer for a long time to let her rest. I made sure the prayer was more Christian in my choice of words to afford her sound-bytes of familiar comfort.

Once I knew her vitals were stable and they were going to admit her to the hospital upstairs, I told her Don was waiting outside (she didn't want him to see her like this) and we were going to head back to San Diego. She wasn't even sure what day it was and didn't even realize I had sent her roses and candy to the nursing home for Mother's Day.

Don knew what to do for me next and we went to Starbucks for a nice hot beverage and time to discuss if we should stay overnight or head home. We had the nicest young man behind the counter. He was very friendly. He asked how I was doing on this Mother's Day and I actually told him. He "heard" me and offered sympathies and a positive reminder. After we got our drinks and sat down, he motioned for me to come over to the counter. He said sharing food makes him happy so he wanted to offer us a complimentary bakery item. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Don and I shared the delicious (no trans-fat) zuchinni walnut loaf slice. Don gave him a generous tip and thanked him for being so kind to me. Before I left, I took off my white vinyl ONE bracelet to give to him. He knew about the ONE organization and was very happy to wear it. We hugged. I felt it was appropriate because I was feeling a sense of Oneness myself. I only wish I had had the presence of mind to get his name and acknowledge his customer service to his supervisor.

We got home about midnight because of road improvements that had the freeway down to two lanes once we got into San Diego county. On Monday, I shipped out the two boxes of things that I was going to bring to the Minister's Convocation this week. It was disappointing to have to call my fellow Cabinet members to explain my situation. The Board gave me their blessings to miss the conference and of course, their prayers and support. This event was the culmination of my three-years of serving on UCORS. I have so enjoyed this level of service and the wonderful camaraderie I have shared with my colleagues. I regret I won't be there to share passing the torch.

Today, my body is still weary yet I making strides taking care of business for my Mom. I can tell that I am doing my grieving in advance. I sense that by dealing with the writing on the wall, I am going to be making room to be clearer when the actual time comes and I have to close out her life in Los Angeles. There is more than I am going to write about all this, but I don't want to be making people sad or uncomfortable on the blog.

So, I will make note that while I am typing there is the sweetest little baby bird outside my window making quite a consistent racket. He/she is chirping away incessantly at the glory of his/her own sound in celebration of being alive.

ah.

Nap time.