What's It All About . . . (Alfie)?

"Every man is his own ancestor, and every man is his own heir. He devises his own future, and he inherits his own past."

-- Frederick Henry Hedge

Having just returned from another jaunt up to Los Angeles to care for my hospitalized Mother, I have found myself often in deep contemplation of Life.

Being an only child and my mother being single, I am the one who is in charge of her care. Never an easy thing for a child to become the adult to the parent. And to do it single-handed and from a different city--can make things more ... interesting, shall we say.

Mom is stable now but it will be awhile before she will return to her home. The interim step will be a nursing home of some kind. Or is it a convalescent home? I am not up on the PC of the jargon. Either way, that means someone has to take care of her apartment and her livelihood. My mother is an apartment manager for 32 units. The owner is being very understanding that Mom is not able to be there; and I will be the one who handles things for tenants, collects rent, etc. While staying at my mother's apartment, I am also charged with clearing out her place so that A). if she is released to come home, she would be able to maneuver the place safely in her walker or such; or B). if she needs to go into a "home" or move down to San Diego, I would still need to clear out her apartment.

OY.

I don't know about any of you out there in cyberland, but my Mom is a collector of STUFF and has been for a llllllllong while. And she has lived in this apartment since 1993. Are you starting to get this picture? Her apartment is crammed full of . . . well, stuff. There were nine Sterlite storage bins filled with yarn and thread alone. And then there are the five floor to ceiling glass curio cabinets filled with stuff. Don't get me wrong--some of the stuff is cool and legitimately collectible. Most of I don't have a clue as to what to do with it all. I am working on finding suitable homes for certain items and then hoping to sell others on e-Bay or to a consignment store.

Then in clearing out closets, drawers, boxes, etc. one can find all sorts of odds and ends that are so interesting. There is the expected special letters and mementos that we save from special people or events in our lives. Then I find all kinds of what-nots that I am sure have a story to them that I may never know. And I am ever grateful that I get to do this sorting and clearing process while my Mom is still alive as I could only imagine how hard all this would be otherwise.

Every so often I come across a few items that render me to tears or weeping. Mom has kept certain things along the way from me. Yesterday, stuffed in an old jewelry box was the corsage and "Mother of the Bride" ribbon she wore at my wedding in 1983; along with the letter I wrote to her that day. Suffice to say, I tossed the corsage but tucked the ribbon inside the letter for safe-keeping.

So all this is what has got me to thinking what's it all about. What is it that compels us to save souvenirs, mementos and the like. I am sure there was a lot of validity to the old-fashioned families keeping heirlooms and passing them along to the grandchildren,etc. Yet I ponder the treasures we keep for ourselves. Most of the people I know who save those kinds of items rarely if ever go through them. Do we keep saving them for a rainy day? For our progeny that many of us will never have? Do we save things for our memoirs or for that official library estate they will name after us for our fame and contribution to the planet???

With my fair sharing of geographical moving in my life, I know how much stuff I cart along. I also know how much stuff I release with each move. Simpify! Simplify! And yet, I still have things in storage (thanks, JK). What or for whom am I saving all this for? Will I reach my golden years and look through it all wistfully? Mom never did/does. Will I recall each detail vividly as did the character, Rose in "Titanic"? When I do go through my things, or stumble across something of meaning and memory, I always take time to pause and reflect on the event and the emotions. It is one way I have to keep the memory and the story alive. It is also how I give gratitude for whatever or whomever. And yet, this month, I ponder what's it all about.

As I release and find new homes for so much of my Mother's stuff, it only enforces my preference of late to not collect things. Oh, I have my tschotkes -- if you call a small collection of Starbuck's Bearistas, things. And yes, I have brought home a very small number of things from my mother's that have significance for me. But I do not want a lot of stuff. I drove past one of those odds and ends stores that is crammed with cheap products to sell. A gazillion things--toys, clothes, housewares, etc.--that are poorly made and very cheap. Lousy looking stuffed animals flying from their doorway. It's not that I don't understand that some people cannot afford high-end items; and/or some people like to save money, but I want to understand the manufacturers that produce such cheap stuff that will end up overloading the thrift stores and ultimately in the landfill all too soon.

All the more reason why I am such a believer in recycling; and yes, even re-gifting. This Christmas April and Jessi bought me a green T-shirt that says, "Re-gift responsibly" that shows the universal recycle symbol. This line of thinking could lead me to a blog dedicated to my opinion of consumerism, but that feels too political for my mood.

This family adventure I have signed on for is giving me a great opportunity to look at my own life. I am certainly going to clean out my closets...again. Not having any children of my own or other family members, I am looking at the future differently. And I am convinced now that health care and senior care is going to be a key factor for me in future elections. It is a startling realization that I am actually closer to that being in my future as it is now facing me in the present.

What's it all about?

For now, I can say without a doubt it is about living life to the fullest in the present moment. It is about loving so much and so often that you might feel lightheaded. It is all about what I have been saying for years to anyone who could hear me -- it is all about JOY. Find it. Create it. Share it. InJoy it.

Blessings.